dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
