You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
His nipple licking is glorious
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