Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
