did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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