did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
