I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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