Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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