If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
