Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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