I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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