I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize