Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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