The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
