did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
