So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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