I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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