never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You took a bar mat shot.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
