...so i touched it.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
