I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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