my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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