THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
