Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
