How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i will never coherently bang her
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
