Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
