The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
