your thong is hanging out like whoa
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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