I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
