the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
