What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
