He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Randomize
