i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
