You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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