You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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