Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
