Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
