...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
you inspire me to be a worse person
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
