I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
