This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
