I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
