Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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