get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
