wrigley field is MILF paradise
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
