i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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