I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
