Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
