My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
