hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
