He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
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