Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
