jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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