I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
