My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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