3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
