Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
