So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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